Fortune Cookies IT People Wish They’d Get

May 1, 2015 | Kate Brew

We surveyed SpiceHeads in Spiceworks to find out what kind of fortunes they’d like to get in their next fortune cookie. The answers were fun, so we decided to share them!

Technical Fortunes

  • If your fortune does not work, please close this cookie and then open it again
  • This cookie has experienced an illegal operation and will now crumble.
  • Error! Your Proxy Server has blocked your fortune. Please try again later.
  • This space intentionally left blank.
  • "IF (life == good) { career.gainXP(); } else { exist.merely(); } //end fortune
  • PC LOAD LETTER
  • My fortune cookie would say - " * " - Interpret that how you wish.
  • Fortune not found. Abort, Retry, Ignore?

  • 01000010011001010010000001010011011101010111001001100101001000000101010001101111001000000100010001110010011010010110111001101011001000000101100101101111011101010111001000100000010011110111011001100001011011000111010001101001011011100110010100101110
  • Binary decisions are never on the fence.
  • [regex]::replace('You are loser', 'loser','winner')
  • Error 404: Fortune Not Found
  • A watched Log file gathers no mysteries.
  • Submit a ticket and help you will find.
  • Your next program will compile and execute without error
  • Fear not of Java, for it shall soon meet its demise
  • This fortune is being monitored for training or coaching purposes

Cheerful Fortunes

  • Your users will, one day, reboot before calling on you for help
  • You will be blessed with competent end users for the rest of your days
  • He who backs up is wise.

  • Your efforts will be appreciated.
  • A well-designed website is its own reward
  • You will pass that certification test
  • Your company will be going 100% paperless - No printers are in your future!
  • Your network users will always and forever follow your instructions
  • Your ticket queue will reach 0 today
  • Your network will have no down time this year.
  • Fortunes come to those who make the effort to do the hardest part of the work -- the beginning.
  • A raise is in your future.
  • Oh yes, there will be bacon

Fed-up fortunes

  • Who needs a zero day when you have such excellent users?
  • Your face will become great acquaintances with your palm throughout the week.
  • You will never be appreciated more than when you are no longer around to be ignored
  • Your phone will not ring at all tomorrow
  • You will not have to fix a family member's computer anymore
  • The true problem lies between the chair and the keyboard.
  • The user you help today will blame you tomorrow

Funny Fortunes

  • It was dark in there
  • "That wasn't chicken!"

  • "Made in China" - It would nice to have something "made in china" that you actually want to be made in China.....
  • An army of helper monkeys will soon call you master.
  • Confucious says, "Man has time to write fortunes, has time to get work done..."
  • ...and all those who worked help desk shall inherit the earth
  • By Grabthar's hammer, your wealth will increase fourfold, and enable you, here in this life, to purchase one other pair of trousers.
Kate Brew

About the Author: Kate Brew

Kate has over 15 years experience in product management and marketing, primarily in information security.

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